Archive for category: letting go

Breaking The Cycle of Chronic Lateness

There are books, articles and studies performed to try and help people overcome their chronic lateness.  Some experts believe in order to break the pattern we need to look at not only what we are doing but why we are doing it.  I concur.

Let’s look at some examples of how people show up chronically late in areas of their life; appointments, interviews, ceremonies…

Take the classic physician who is always running late with patients.  Now in their defense, they will most likely explain their circumstances with reasons such as being over-booked, an emergency arose, or a populated epidemic of something.  Now from the patient’s perspective, who is in the waiting room 45 minutes or much longer, he is probably feeling anxious and a tad put-off, as it can be perceived as a lack of respect of  time.

In Anna’s case, there was no question that being on time was essential for her upcoming interview.  It was a company that she would be thrilled to work for. There was one problem.  With all the excitement, Anna forgot to verify the location.  By the time she was off and running, she realized she didn’t know exactly where she was going.  Hence, she showed up 30 minutes late for the interview.  Not only was she stressed out and embarrassed, but she carried that energy all throughout the interview process.  You can guess the outcome – Anna didn’t get the job.

When Brian’s childhood friend asked him to be the best man for his wedding, he admitted it was one of the highlights of his life.  Not only was it a huge honor, but it was a big responsibility.  He wanted to make sure everything went smooth and that his long time buddy could count on him during this happy occasion.  The morning of the wedding, Brian walked out the door and neglected to bring the wedding bands that his friend entrusted him with.  Just about halfway through his driving time to the ceremony, he realized he had to turn back home to go get them.  Needless to say, Brian was 15 minutes late.  Brian was so worried that he ruined the most important day of his friends life.  He apologized all day long.

A good starting point to breaking the cycle of lateness is to become consciously aware of your lateness and then to make the effort to prioritize being prompt.  You can begin with observing the cost of being late and the payoff of being on time.

Cost of being late – being late is upsetting to others and stressful for the one who is late.

Payoff of being on time – eliminates stress and the need to apologize.

The consequence of being late all the time runs deeper than this however.  When you are chronically late you are not showing up as the best version of yourself.  You are creating a reputation for yourself that is sending messages that people can’t trust or rely on you.  This impacts your relationships and your self-esteem.

Considering the technical aspect of why people are late is also important.  Not having good planning skills or how to estimate how long things will take can be critical.  A simple exercise you can try is to write down how long you think each thing you do will take and then compare it to how long it actually took to complete.  The comparison will help you find your pattern so you can adjust your time.

Learning how to say NO by either declining or deferring when people are asking things of you will also help you stay mindful with your commitment to time.  You can use catch phrases, such as;

“I would love to help but I have a prior commitment.”

I am on a tight deadline, so I have to pass on this.”

“I have plans during that time today, but maybe tomorrow I can.”

From an emotional/psychological aspect we can look at this from a different view.  Most people know what they are doing by arriving late.  They are choosing to arrive when they want.  The question is “Why?”  Here are some possibilities:

Resistance – Carried over from a rebelliousness childhood.

Crisis Maker – Thrives on mini crisis of running late.

Adrenaline – Need the rush of being under the gun to get things moving .

Anxiety – Fear about where they are going.

There are many tools that can be used to help decipher the why of what makes one late, but from a life coaching perspective, I can tell you that understanding where the emotional blocks come from is key to understanding why we do what we do and how to break the cycle.

In my new book – Life Coaching – a Guide to Hiring a Life Coach – I talk about how instrumental coaching has been in my life as well as how to go about finding a coach that can help you.  Through coaching you can find ways to overcome your lateness and begin to learn how to convert time into a pleasurable experience.

For a limited time you can receive a copy of Patricia’s new book with a special coaching offer.  Contact now @ (908) 642-1226 or email [email protected]