What a great time with Blaine (Blaine’s World) and WPVM 103.7 Radio – Asheville, NC
What a great time with Blaine (Blaine’s World) and WPVM 103.7 Radio – Asheville, NC
There are many benefits to writing a to-do list. However, despite the gain, there are some people who will resist them. Let’s take Mary for example. Mary is an artist with a very active lifestyle. Her professional and personal life combined has her going in many directions. Mary told me that she was starting to feel overwhelmed and some of her tasks were falling through the cracks. When I inquired if she was using a to-do list to help her plan out her day, she informed me that “occasionally” she would scribble a few things down.
Although Mary was made aware of how a list could help manage her stress, she still resisted using one for a very long time. She said, it stifled her flexibility. She felt that if she kept a list, it would tie her down and restrict her creativity. This is not an unusual response ( at least I found in my practice) with very creative people. They have adopted a belief that putting their thoughts down in order will somehow interfere with their creative flow.
Gradually, though, Mary came around. The busier her life became, the more crucial it was to have some sort of running agenda on hand. Before long, not only did she embrace her to-do list but Mary even started scheduling some of those items onto a weekly calendar. In other words, she reluctantly become a planner.
Looking back, Mary admits that it wasn’t the actual writing of the list that she found so difficult, as it was the transition of doing so. She now understands that she had emotional blocks surrounding her beliefs about to-do lists. Once Mary was able to work through her roadblocks, she had a different perspective of drawing up a list. She is now in agreement that planning helps her get things done more efficiently and does not interfere with her creative nature.
Here’s the psychology of the to-do list – studies have shown that people perform better when they have written down what they need to do. There are three reasons for this: they dampen anxiety about the chaos of life; they give us a structure, a plan that we can stick to; and they are proof of what we have achieved that day, week or month. (the guardian.com)
Simply put, the brain loves order. That’s why being organized makes us feel so good.
If you’re interested in finding ways to make your life easier and more manageable, you can schedule a consultation with me by CLICKING HERE.
I am sure many of us (myself included) have passed on this advice to someone who was hurting – “Time heals all wounds.”
However, I have recently been rethinking this. Do we really need time to heal us or is there something we can be doing in the meantime? I’m not suggesting that we deny our reality of what may have caused the emotional pain. What I am saying is that perhaps there is something else we can be doing while waiting on time.You see, it’s not necessarily that time heals all wounds – it’s what we do with the time that heals. I believe that action is the best course we can take for ourselves during the healing process.
If you think about every other aspect of our lives, we have to take the initiative to do something to cause something to happen. Therefore, why should a hurtful situation be any different? Why should we wait for time to pass for our feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, anguish, and yearning to decrease. Remember, we do not have a clue how much time we are talking about – six months, one year, two years…or more.
Let me give you some examples of why I believe taking action can help the recovery process.
It was about three and a half years since I last heard from Sally. Before that, she would periodically update me on the status of her cluttered home, the children, and her pending divorce. During this time, I would encourage her to participate in a workshop or an online course that I thought would be helpful for her. She would always decline. When I stopped hearing from Sally, I would email and telephone her, but she would never return my messages.
During the time we didn’t talk, Sally became more and more depressed. Her house became cluttered to the degree that all surfaces and furniture were piled high with everything and anything you could imagine. There was not a sacred place for her to rest and relax. Sally literally had to carve out an area to lay her head down in order to sleep at night. She no longer could cook or bathe in her home. She could not receive guests at her house and her children refused to come see her unless she got help. All social life for her shut down. In a sense, Sally became homeless in her own home.
Then Sally reached out for help. I knew immediately the best thing was to take swift action! She needed relief not only from her environment, but also from her feelings of shame and guilt. Time clearly was no longer an option. We rapidly (within 24 hours) put a plan into place that included decluttering her home, getting Sally the medical support she needed, and enrolling her into a Life Recovery Coaching program. I am happy to report that Sally is doing very well at this time and is now in touch with her children.
My first impression of Basel was that he was a very proud man. I remember the stories he would tell of being a young boy and the adventures he would go on with his father. Not far from their home on the outskirts of their farm, they would venture deep into the forest for days. It is here that Basel’s father taught him how to climb mountains. I recall with every tale he related that he catapulted me back into time. He had a knack for making you feel as if you were experiencing it with him. I found him to be deliriously intoxicating.
With each feverish story, I noticed that Basel’s voice would change. His tone and pitch would intensify and you could hear the ascent of the mountain in his words. As he would get near the story’s final descent, a gentleness and tenderness would seep into his voice. His words became soothing, like a lullaby, innocently rocking you to a safe landing. Yet, there was a sadness that he could not disguise with his words. Deep down, I could feel the sorrow radiating.
At the age of 45, Basel could no longer bear the weight of carrying around his pain from the loss of his beloved father. Never having the opportunity to grieve as a young boy, Basel shouldered the brunt of his pain by making a career out of climbing the world. In every foreign country where he climbed, he would build a new romantic relationship. Since he knew there was always a future destination in sight, it was the perfect alibi for not having to commit to one person for too long. It was the ideal set-up. At least until he fell in love.
According to Basel, although he was accustomed to his lifestyle on the run, the idea of leaving it for the woman he loved made him feel an array of emotions ranging from guilt, shame, anger, frustration … and he didn’t know why. He was accustomed to living his life alone and figuring things out by himself. Although he told himself he was okay with it, he suspected that was not the truth.
No amount of time or distant mountain could heal Basel’s pain. Like any young boy who lost their father, Basel began to grieve. The outpouring of emotion startled him and he longed to be with the woman he turned away from. He vowed from that day forward to begin the process of change – beginning with not running from his feelings any longer.
In these examples, you can clearly see that there is a difference between taking appropriate action to begin the healing process versus the act of running to hide from the emotional pain.
If you are going through a difficult time, please know that there are alternative ways for healing to begin. We do not necessarily have to wait for time to heal all wounds.
Cleaning Essentials – Clean-Up From The Inside Out
Hey, check out this article from The Digest that I was featured in.
Great tips – Valuable Information!
Yes, the Holiday Season is one that brings joy and happiness as family and friends gather together. We laugh, we share stories of times gone by and we reflect. As the holidays settle down and we begin to think about the New Year to come, most of us consider ways to improve the quality of our lives. Everyone’s agenda is different but I found there are some things we all have in common that we strive to have for a healthy lifestyle.
Here are some simple principles to help you along your way:
1. breathe deeply
2. drink water
3. sleep peacefully
4. eat nutritiously
5. enjoy activity
6. give and receive love
7. be forgiving
8. practice gratitude
9. develop acceptance
10.. develop a relationship with God
Happy Holidays Dear Friends!
I wish you a Happy Holiday Season and prosperity for the New Year!
I thank you for the opportunity to serve you and look forward to continuing our relationship in the new year.
My wish for you is that you may find inner simplicity that connects with your passion.
My Very Best,
A funny thing happened while I was holiday shopping this season.
I was cruising around from store to store, checking off items on my gift list, feeling very productive and happy, yet, oddly enough, in just about every store I made a purchase from, I came up empty handed for gift boxes. It was either the store ran out of them (of course, this always happened when I was the next in line) or they simply did not give out boxes. When I inquired why, they stated it was no longer part of their policy.
In some of the larger department stores it was not so much a problem, but what I did find interesting is that some of the better known stores were no longer gift wrapping. In any event, I just couldn’t wrap my arms around the concept that stores didn’t give out boxes anymore. Some stores, however, did provide boxes if you were willing to pay for them. Pay? I didn’t realize we were paying for boxes now.
You see, ordinarily I make it a point to ask for a gift box all year round when shopping. I like to stockpile (within reason of course) because you never know when you are going to need a gift box. However, in the midst of recently de-cluttering my house, I discarded most of my boxes, thinking that I could always replenish my stock later.
Now I was feeling a little frustrated and a tad concerned about how I was going to wrap my gifts if I didn’t have enough boxes. At times, I thought of gift bags, but unless it is the ideal gift for a bag, a box is what you really need. By the way, where do you buy gift boxes? I thought the point was to have the box from where you just purchased the gift. Unless of course, you are re-gifting and then that brings up a whole other story.
It was at that moment, I found a new appreciation for gift boxes.
Ironically enough, I found this a little comical, since I teach people how to “let go” of their things that they have been clinging onto for years. Yet, here I am, faced with the very problem that feeds into the reason why people want to hold onto their stuff. I do admit, it is interesting that it appears to be whenever you throw something out, you end up needing it. (I think I’m being tested here…)
So in order to make some sense out of this and be fair to both points of view, the following system is what I came up with to find some middle ground on what boxes need to be saved, and which ones can be disposed of. Just try to make sure you take the time to think about the true need and necessity when saving and you set limitations on your quantity.
A parcel of space
Parcel boxes that are not all stamped up and written on are worth saving for shipping items or packaging bigger gift items. For example, this holiday, I purchased a mattress cover, pillows, and sheet set for someone and rather than individually wrapping each item, I put them all in a brown box that I had saved and wrapped it all together.
Is it really from Tiffany’s?
For me, there is something off-color about putting an item I purchased from a brand name store and wrapping it another store’s box. So, unless you are comfortable with that, I would say toss the boxes you know you will never really gift in and keep the others.
Nicer boxes can be difficult to dispose of because they are so beautifully packaged. When it comes to this type of box, you may consider storing some items in there that are dear to your heart, such as jewelry or love notes.
Big-ticket items, such as computers, televisions, and stereos come in large boxes but become a necessity if you need to send anything out for warranty repairs. I would say a year is a smart time limit here, and, in the meantime, rather than leaving them empty, store something in them temporarily.
Live your very best life by learning how to overcome emotional and physical clutter culprits that are cramping your mind and crimping your productivity at home and in the workplace. Identify obstacles and find solutions to negative habits that have been limiting your achievements and activity while learning how to clean up your home, office and messy hot spots.
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We hold onto things because we have ourselves believing that one day we will use it. Or, the memory of the object is so powerful we give it full permission to take over our emotions.
Then something funny happens – the things that we have been clinging to, you know, the items we convince ourselves are so wonderful, are no longer making us feel good – and in some cases, can actually make us feel pretty darn rotten.
Now we have created two problems – physical clutter from our stuff we are holding onto – and emotional clutter because of the stories we keep telling ourselves, producing guilt and anxiety.
So what to do, what to do…
Create a lifestyle of giving
Most clutter experts say…(yes, me included) that “if you haven’t used an item within the past year, give it away!”
Joel Osteen states in his book Your Best Life Now, that “If it’s not meeting a need, turn it into a seed. We will reap what we sow.”
The extra things that are in your basement, attic or garage – why not have a garage sale and see what you can sell at reasonable prices. Don’t think that this isn’t helping people because it is. There are plenty of people who need your stuff that simply cannot afford to buy new; books, baby items, clothes, kitchen utensils, tools.
Then whatever is left – donate to a favorite charity of yours or give it away to someone you personally know who is in need. By doing this, I do believe you will see the benefits that far outweigh holding your items.
So here I am another year older – and wiser I would like to think…
On my 50th birthday last year, there was the party, the hype, and of course the dread of the realization that I have approached the age most women want to forget about. I spent a lot of my time trying to overcome the anxiety of this age that I didn’t have time to embrace what my life has been about – and what I now would like it to become.
I have decided that the most important aspect of life, at least for me, is to know how to make myself happy. Yes, having your health without a doubt is invaluable, but happiness creates a healthy lifestyle and offers so many more riches that life has to offer. Peace of mind cannot come without it.
With my new found wisdom, I have decided moving forward with my life, I am going to take the advice of one of my favorite poet’s – William Purkey and do exactly this:
“Dance like no one is watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like no one is listening,
Live like it’s heaven on earth.”
Happy Birthday to Me!