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Breaking The Cycle of Chronic Lateness

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Breaking The Cycle of Chronic Lateness

There are books, articles and studies performed to try and help people overcome their chronic lateness.  Some experts believe in order to break the pattern we need to look at not only what we are doing but why we are doing it.  I concur.

Let’s look at some examples of how people show up chronically late in areas of their life; appointments, interviews, ceremonies…

Take the classic physician who is always running late with patients.  Now in their defense, they will most likely explain their circumstances with reasons such as being over-booked, an emergency arose, or a populated epidemic of something.  Now from the patient’s perspective, who is in the waiting room 45 minutes or much longer, he is probably feeling anxious and a tad put-off, as it can be perceived as a lack of respect of  time.

In Anna’s case, there was no question that being on time was essential for her upcoming interview.  It was a company that she would be thrilled to work for. There was one problem.  With all the excitement, Anna forgot to verify the location.  By the time she was off and running, she realized she didn’t know exactly where she was going.  Hence, she showed up 30 minutes late for the interview.  Not only was she stressed out and embarrassed, but she carried that energy all throughout the interview process.  You can guess the outcome – Anna didn’t get the job.

When Brian’s childhood friend asked him to be the best man for his wedding, he admitted it was one of the highlights of his life.  Not only was it a huge honor, but it was a big responsibility.  He wanted to make sure everything went smooth and that his long time buddy could count on him during this happy occasion.  The morning of the wedding, Brian walked out the door and neglected to bring the wedding bands that his friend entrusted him with.  Just about halfway through his driving time to the ceremony, he realized he had to turn back home to go get them.  Needless to say, Brian was 15 minutes late.  Brian was so worried that he ruined the most important day of his friends life.  He apologized all day long.

A good starting point to breaking the cycle of lateness is to become consciously aware of your lateness and then to make the effort to prioritize being prompt.  You can begin with observing the cost of being late and the payoff of being on time.

Cost of being late – being late is upsetting to others and stressful for the one who is late.

Payoff of being on time – eliminates stress and the need to apologize.

The consequence of being late all the time runs deeper than this however.  When you are chronically late you are not showing up as the best version of yourself.  You are creating a reputation for yourself that is sending messages that people can’t trust or rely on you.  This impacts your relationships and your self-esteem.

Considering the technical aspect of why people are late is also important.  Not having good planning skills or how to estimate how long things will take can be critical.  A simple exercise you can try is to write down how long you think each thing you do will take and then compare it to how long it actually took to complete.  The comparison will help you find your pattern so you can adjust your time.

Learning how to say NO by either declining or deferring when people are asking things of you will also help you stay mindful with your commitment to time.  You can use catch phrases, such as;

“I would love to help but I have a prior commitment.”

I am on a tight deadline, so I have to pass on this.”

“I have plans during that time today, but maybe tomorrow I can.”

From an emotional/psychological aspect we can look at this from a different view.  Most people know what they are doing by arriving late.  They are choosing to arrive when they want.  The question is “Why?”  Here are some possibilities:

Resistance – Carried over from a rebelliousness childhood.

Crisis Maker – Thrives on mini crisis of running late.

Adrenaline – Need the rush of being under the gun to get things moving .

Anxiety – Fear about where they are going.

There are many tools that can be used to help decipher the why of what makes one late, but from a life coaching perspective, I can tell you that understanding where the emotional blocks come from is key to understanding why we do what we do and how to break the cycle.

In my new book – Life Coaching – a Guide to Hiring a Life Coach – I talk about how instrumental coaching has been in my life as well as how to go about finding a coach that can help you.  Through coaching you can find ways to overcome your lateness and begin to learn how to convert time into a pleasurable experience.

Life Coaching Book Cover

For a limited time you can receive a copy of Patricia’s new book with a special coaching offer.  Contact now @ (908) 642-1226 or email [email protected]

 

Time Heals All Wounds

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I am sure many of us (myself included) have passed on this advice to someone who was hurting – “Time heals all wounds.”

However, I have recently been rethinking this.  Do we really need time to heal us or is there something we can be doing in the meantime?  I’m not suggesting that we deny our reality of what may have caused the emotional pain. What I am saying is that perhaps there is something else we can be doing while waiting on time.You see, it’s not necessarily that time heals all wounds – it’s what we do with the time that heals.  I believe that action is the best course we can take for ourselves during the healing process.

If you think about every other aspect of our lives, we have to take the initiative to do something to cause something to happen.  Therefore, why should a hurtful situation be any different?  Why should we wait for time to pass for our feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, anguish, and yearning to decrease. Remember, we do not have a clue how much time we are talking about – six months, one year, two years…or more.

Let me give you some examples of why I believe taking action can help the recovery process.

Example One
It was about three and a half years since I last heard from Sally.  Before that, she would periodically update me on the status of her cluttered home, the children, and her pending divorce.  During this time, I would encourage her to participate in a workshop or an online course that I thought would be helpful for her. She would always decline.  When I stopped hearing from Sally, I would email and telephone her, but she would never return my messages.

During the time we didn’t talk, Sally became more and more depressed.  Her house became cluttered to the degree that all surfaces and furniture were piled high with everything and anything you could imagine.  There was not a sacred place for her to rest and relax.  Sally literally had to carve out an area to lay her head down in order to sleep at night.  She no longer could cook or bathe in her home.  She could not receive guests at her house and her children refused to come see her unless she got help.  All social life for her shut down.  In a sense, Sally became homeless in her own home.

Then Sally reached out for help.  I knew immediately the best thing was to take swift action! She needed relief not only from her environment, but also from her feelings of shame and guilt.  Time clearly was no longer an option.  We rapidly (within 24 hours) put a plan into place that included decluttering her home, getting Sally the medical support she needed, and enrolling her into a Life Recovery Coaching program.  I am happy to report that Sally is doing very well at this time and is now in touch with her children.

Example Two: 
My first impression of Basel was that he was a very proud man. I remember the stories he would tell of being a young boy and the adventures he would go on with his father.  Not far from their home on the outskirts of their farm, they would venture deep into the forest for days.  It is here that Basel’s father taught him how to climb mountains. I recall with every tale he related that he catapulted me back into time.  He had a knack for making you feel as if you were experiencing it with him. I found him to be deliriously intoxicating.

With each feverish story, I noticed that Basel’s voice would change. His tone and pitch would intensify and you could hear the ascent of the mountain in his words.  As he would get near the story’s final descent, a gentleness and tenderness would seep into his voice.  His words became soothing, like a lullaby, innocently rocking you to a safe landing.  Yet, there was a sadness that he could not disguise with his words. Deep down, I could feel the sorrow radiating.

At the age of 45, Basel could no longer bear the weight of carrying around his pain from the loss of his beloved father.  Never having the opportunity to grieve as a young boy, Basel shouldered the brunt of his pain by making a career out of climbing the world.  In every foreign country where he climbed, he would build a new romantic relationship.  Since he knew there was always a future destination in sight, it was the perfect alibi for not having to commit to one person for too long.  It was the ideal set-up.  At least until he fell in love.

According to Basel, although he was accustomed to his lifestyle on the run, the idea of leaving it for the woman he loved made him feel  an array of emotions ranging from guilt, shame, anger, frustration … and he didn’t know why.  He was accustomed to living his life alone and figuring things out by himself.  Although he told himself he was okay with it, he suspected that was not the truth.

No amount of time or distant mountain could heal Basel’s pain.  Like any young boy who lost their father, Basel began to grieve.  The outpouring of emotion startled him and he longed to be with the woman he turned away from.  He vowed from that day forward to begin the process of change – beginning with not running from his feelings any longer.

In these examples, you can clearly see that there is a difference between taking appropriate action to begin the healing process versus the act of running to hide from the emotional pain.

If you are going through a difficult time, please know that there are alternative ways for healing to begin. We do not necessarily have to wait for time to heal all wounds.

Loving What Is

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Loving What Is

Below is an excerpt from Byron Katie’s Book –Loving What Is
“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts me when I argue with reality.  We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration.  We don’t feel natural or balanced.  When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.”
My Dear Friends…
Doesn’t this free you up? Doesn’t it give you permission to say, ‘Ah, yes, it is all OK – I am not going to argue with what is, I can accept it and then take the steps that are necessary with ease?
Living an untruth is always stressful. So many times haven’t we denied or tried to control our reality instead of just accepting it.  And how has that worked out?  Usually it becomes at some point very painful.   
The process of  Life Recovery is just like that…loving it all…loving every broken piece of it and then some.
Maybe it’s your career, relationship, environment, finances or health that’s causing you to feel anxiety, frustration and confusion.  But if, just if, we take this approach of Loving What Is, doesn’t it feel gentler and more peaceful? Doesn’t clarity begin to focus in? Then inspiration … possibly?
If you are struggling and would like to learn how to overcome your challenges and  recover, I would love to share with you all the valuable tools that have helped me.
In Healing,
Patricia xo

Are You Still Holding On?

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Are you still holding on to old ways yet yearning for a new way?  Think about that for a moment…yes, yes, think about that.
Holding On & Letting Go

Let me help you simplify this in the bigger picture, so to speak.Neale Donald Walsch said this and I believe he is spot on…He said,

“That yearning for a new way will not produce it.  Only ending the old way can do that.

You cannot hold onto the old all the while declaring that you want something new.

The old will defy the new;
the old will deny the new;
the old will decry the new.

There is only one way to bring in the new.

You must make room for it.”
Allow me to share something with you if I may…You see, I know what it feels like to let go.  I believe it’s a very intimate process one experiences when they release and end something.I also recognize that it can be difficult for people to let go or end something because they are fearful of the unknown.  They are not sure of what their outcome will be and worry if it will be better, worse, or if they will end up regretting their decision.

So inevitably they do nothing. 

But what most people don’t realize is that not to decide is to decide.  You are deciding to do nothing – so it’s still a decision.

Ask yourself:

  • What are you deciding right now by not deciding?
  • What are you choosing by failing to choose?

As Jack Canfield suggests:

“Sometimes people stay stuck because they fall into a dangerous trap of settling for less than they deserve in the name of gratitude.”

Here are some examples:
“Rather than taking action and asking for a raise… they say, “Well, I should be grateful I have a job.”

“Rather than taking action and asking for what they want in a relationship… they say, “Well, I should be grateful that my partner is faithful.”

“Rather than taking action and looking for a bigger house… they say, “Well, I should be grateful that I have a house when so many people don’t.”

Here’s the thing, friends… 

  • Wanting more doesn’t mean that you’re ungrateful or greedy.
  • Letting go and releasing the old allows for a grander, better life.
  • Making room for the new creates the opportunity for you to express and demonstrate your higher self.

It is time now.  It’s time to make a decision.  You don’t want to live your life by default, do you?  Here is your signal – take it!

10 Principles of Healthy Living

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10 Principles of Healthy Living

Sometimes when I think about what is really required to live a simple life, it always comes back to these basic principles.  For without these, life will be difficult.

 

10 Principles of Healthy Living


  1. Breathe deeply
  2. Drink water
  3. Sleep peacefully
  4. Eat nutritiously
  5. Enjoy activity
  6. Give and receive love
  7. Be forgiving
  8. Practice gratitude
  9. Develop acceptance
  10. Develop a relationship with God

5 Steps to Simplifying His Routine

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Mature CoupleAre you having challenges getting your man organized?  Is it common to find your significant other dropping things throughout the house when he walks in the door?  Wish you could head him off at the pass and break these patterns?

Well, with a few helpful hints, these habits can be a thing of the past. Incorporating change can improve your relationship, ease tension, and create a healthier state of mind.

Study your man

Begin by observing his routine.  What does he actually bring in the door with him? Is he picking up the mail along the way?  Does he have a briefcase in tow?  From the moment he enters, does he go to the same place to drop off his things, or better yet, does he scatter them throughout the home – a briefcase here, a wallet there and loose change tossed on the dresser?

Typically, when retiring for the day, men need places to deposit their stuff.  When it comes to their loose change, a wallet full of receipts and electronic gadgets, having proper homes will simplify their routines and bring about order in your home.

Give him homes

  1. Small change – Start with a money jar for his extra change.  He has the option to either refill his pockets the following day, or its’ a great incentive to start saving up for something special.
  2. File it away – Consider using a file folder or an envelope, and label it receipts.  This way he can clean out his wallet each day, and at the end of the month you can match them with your statements.
  3. Safe hiding – Jewelry boxes are not only for women.  If your man wears a watch, ring, or any other accessory, he will need a safe place for his trinkets.
  4. A place to recharge – Find an isolated place for a docking station for all of his electronic devices.  However, designate a spot that is in view to help prevent forgetting it in the morning; consider placing on a bright colored tray.
  5. Sorting things out – Choose a convenient spot for the household mail.  This way, he has a place to set it down that will prevent him from misplacing it. If you can label some folders with different categories, he will be more inclined to sort it.

Note: Getting organized is a learned activity. With these simple steps, just think what can get accomplished from here.

Body Doubling

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Body DoublingWhile sitting opposite from one another during our scheduled work session, a relatively seasoned client of mine looked directly at me and said “I think I like it better when I write in my own personal handwriting rather than you printing out labels for me.”

“OK” I said. “May I ask why?”

“I think I find it too impersonal and sterile. I find myself feeling more drawn to the files and want to pick them up when I see my own signature rather than unfamiliar printing.”

Since we already established a relationship with one another, I felt comfortable enough to ask her if there was anything else she wanted to let me know.

“Well, as a matter of fact,” she said, “I think I would really like it if I could try working for a while just on my own, while you sit there. Is that alright with you?”

I smiled back at her and said “Of course. Take your time and let’s see how it goes.” We agreed that we would try this for one hour without talking unless she needed my input.

As I sat there, I started to imagine what it would be like for me to have my assistant just sit in my office while I worked. But that image didn’t last long for me. Unlike my client, I am an active participant when it comes to my work and like to engage and interact with my staff and also require and enjoy their input and feedback.

So, I started to question in my mind what was really going on for my client. Was she beginning to feel more secure in her own sense of style and wanted to try it out while I was present or was it something more profound than this?

Fifty minutes into the hour, she asked if I would like a cup of tea. Sure I said, that sounds good right about now.

We took about a 15-minute break and sat outside on her deck. We talked about the weather, her new landscaping of shrubberies and a little about family.

As we walked back into her office, I asked her if she ever heard of the term “Body Doubling.” Her eyes widened and she just about whispered, “No, what is that?”

Well, I began; I believe that is what we are doing right now.

Having a person who is present and acting like and anchor, not an active assistant, allows the other person to stay focused and ignore distractions. I asked her if she agreed that was what we were doing.

“Absolutely,” she said. “Having you here somehow gives me permission to finish what needs to be done, and I don’t feel the urge to walk away.”

She wanted to know if the practice was common or highly unusual.

I explained that it depended-sometimes it is woven into the organizing practice quite naturally and in other circumstances it is introduced right away. One thing that is certain is that body doubling is highly effective and actually mirrors what organizing looks like.

With this new-found understanding, it made it easier for my client to accept that her initial request was in essence a particular organizing practice. Body doubling offers alternative solutions for people to succeed in their organizing endeavors, when they recognize they are challenged with distraction.

It was safe to say, my client and I worked silently for the next hour and a half and when I left, she felt empowered and satisfied with her accomplishments.

-Patricia Diesel
Keep It Simple Now